Dispatches from a second story bedroom

intertial velocity

 

VENA CAVA X TEN OVER 6 

I've been fiending for this shoe collaboration since last September and have burnt myself out in anticipation. I understand from both sides now since I haven't felt like sharing my share-y share share's worth around here either. (Winter bummers, what can I say?) I never promised you a rose garden, I made no allusions about content. I'm not a machine y'know. I'm still scouring the dinnernet for my fash-wins but I've gone stealth mostly, in terms of output. Sometimes a girl's gotta incubate. 

I'm sort of over these since they're old news and still not available. Don't post on the 1st that they'll be out within the week/in store and not have anything to show by the 7th. Just sayin', that's bad business babe, I don't care who you're married to. They're still sending off gorgeous 70s art teacher vibes and I want, but in a more attenuated form of that former want I had back in September of 2010AD. It leads me to believe I will never own them because, no one wants Paul Newman in The Verdict, they want Paul Newman in The Young Philadelphians. What? Did I just blow your mind a little with my moment of truth act break? Deal with it. Things just got very real up in hurr.

Mme. Bop

Gucci Pre-Fall 2011

Every time I look at this collection I start to hear a certain song in my head. This doesn't lessen my desire to look like some ne plus ultra pétasse bourgeois, because I totally do want to look like that, at all times. Even in spite of this unfortunate childhood memory. 

the proud and profane

This image was a game changer for me in 2001, it still is. 

Jil Sander Spring 2001

your generation sucks

I had a really great conversation last night about the 90s and Prada and schizophrenic boutique buyers versus medicated megastore buyers and it all interrelated and was great and I came to a few conclusions.

1. There are a lot of girls out there in skinny jeans, bitch shoes, and sloppy tops and they are running boutiques. There's enough out there for that many-headed cliche to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, so I shouldn't worry about my various aspirations and why they will not work. America is a horn o' plenty and I need to take a bite. 
2. I totally get Prada S/S 2011 now, thanks Missy. This needs to happen again, its time is due. Why isn't Da Brat's blackberry lip making a comeback as well as Missy's aubergine lipliner. So essential. I like that small sliver of the 90s when lady rappers were transitioning from MC Lyteism into whatever real doll rapper is popular now. Nicki Minajism? They all look like sex toys, so whatever. I know chickenheaded hoes existed back then, but they weren't so yielding to a generic male fantasy. Foxy Brown was sassy and had a slight muffin top. Awesome. And also, the dance moves. I can't stop watching those super louche robot leans. "REMEMBER THE TIME" - MJ                                                                                                      
     
3. My aspirational 90s and the current aspirational 90s look are two completely different things. I stopped reading teen magazines in 1992 and subscribed to Bazaar just as Liz Tilberis came on as E-i-C. What was available to me for purchase back then wasn't dreamy, it was a lot of affordable thrift and pilfered from my parents college wardrobes. I didn't even dream of owning real Miu Miu, but a resonable vintage facsimile of the new facsimile of the original vintage. I developed the sense to recognize that fashion is the biggest Ouroboros through the reading and studying of fashion magazines, and tapped the trend at the source without the internet telling me how to do it in three easy steps.  And while that democratization is great, it sidesteps the old gatekeepers, so you have to deal with a lot of shitty micro-trends like pantlessness and shredded t-shirts. And then the olds get worried about not remaining on top of fashion and Carine and AdR are running around, panties on parade, even though they're 50ish and dancing as fast as they can. It's heartbreaking to witness. I'm sure Gavin would tell me to shut up and stop being old about it, but it's there and transitory and gets a platform before it even knows what to do with itself. Everyone is a cultural ambassador for a brand nowadays and it makes everything less special. Also young rich girls dressing up in expensive clothes is such an epic snooze to me. I am staking my claim in old Vreelandia, thank you. Vive la jolie laide.

details, asshole

Alright, there's no way Blaine could have known about 21 Jump Street on January 11th 1987. It didn't air until April. A cursory wiki check could have saved you from this embarrassing boner. My molecular memory told me that show wasn't a 1986 kinda show. Way to fucking go muscle memory. The brain is a muscle, use it, don't abuse it.

Also, a dude with a "Kid" high top fade fronting a band that has "Jessie's Girl" in their repertoire? At a ski resort? I can draw a line from Kid n' Play to the Black Eyed Peas but how does a 6 year old Rick Springfield song figure? Ignoring all of that, the real insult is BPE being the new hotness you bring from the future. Aren't Black Eyed Peas sort of the Poison of 2008? I'm kind of insulted, I remember the 80s better than the screenwriters who are older (yes I googled all 3 of them) than me. Can that be my job, fact checking scripts set in the 80s?  I'd un-anachronize your shit. Call me. 

Also, also, Lizzy Caplan kissing John Cusack. I don't truck with that crossing of streams. That is some straight up Lorraine and Marty McFly shit. He's 15 years older than you and looks at least 20 Lizzy. O.M.G. So much to hate! But I grudgefucked that movie to completion and don't have to think about it ever again. Hooray. Thanks Hot Tub Time Machine, but I've already lost your number, slut.

Lady Menudo smoothed out on the R&B tip with a pop feel, appeal, to it

I wish the quality of this video were better because I am having a serious Jones for the full on Rolston color explosion right now. If you had a subscription to Us Magazine before it became Us Weekly you'd know what I was talking about. 

I like how the 90s version of the 60s, the 90s version of Fosse, and the 90s version of a Minelli musical all reside in this video. Even the 90s version En Vogue resides within it because they've become the Lady Temptations with a bunch of new members I've never seen before and who are younger than the group itself. This is your OG En Vogue.  

My feeling is, you can't be one of the Temps and not have at least been born in the 60s. I feel crazy for even having to make that statement.  So to see some En Vogue member who probably wasn't even old enough to have been considered age appropriate for the Destiny's Child upheaval (circa 1999-2000) is distressing to my old oves (that's short for ovaries). It's like old balls but for ladies.

I like revisiting old movies with costumes from even older times. One of my favorite old movies doing an even older time is The Gene Krupa Story starring Sal Mineo and a strain of ganj that is apparently as desperate making as heroin. The costumes are laughably bad, extras look like they showed up after school and were escorted directly onto set. There is a lot of Mad Men season 1 style clothing boppin' around all that swing music. It's pretty great if you adjust your expections and boy did I. Give it a try. You might like it too.

take the time, do it right.

I'm sure that reading gawker is like eating right before bed but how else would I come across stuff like this?

I am imagining not gold platform Beckham pumps for the win. Even though I'm not super jazzed by her shoe selection I feel like this is her true self and not all the studs and vinyl and shoulder pads? I get that she's in show business and studs and buckles are to Rihanna, what sequins were to every Bob Mackied starlet ever. 

WHAAAAT? Marilyn McCoo and Andy Gibb pre-Gimme a Break! guest spot/MI via OD must be freaked the fuck out? I like that Wendy is holding her own against Madame and Madame isn't being her regular cunty self. I can't believe middle America was interested in W.O.W. ever. I can't guarantee that I saw this performance but I sure did love Solid Gold. If my little brains did see this I am sure it must have informed my earliest nightmares. SO THANKS AMERICAN BROADCASTING COMPANY.

I'm not sure what the thread between these two things was in my head, I just took a couple of benadryls. Maybe my point was studs, buckles and leather mommy shit is as old as sequins? Know yer role? I dunno, she obviously looks bangin' in color and needs to keep it up instead of trying to wear thigh high patent leather boots because she's getting to Beyoncé levels of fame and flesh toned performance pantyhose under said boots looks ridiculous. Leave the leather to the professionals like Wendy.

pot kettle black

Before I understood who Gloria Steinem was, I was watching this on television. Oh man remember when Kirstie and Delta were both walking that ED tightrope? You'd like to thank your parents for how you turned out or became the amazing adult that you are today because of them, but you watch a little youtube and realize how formative the idiot box was. I sat in front of that television a lot.

Mad Men Recap:

Really Lane? You think your Dumbledoric dad is going to be understanding of your "relationship" with that sweet little negrita? I'm not saying you needed or deserved a cane whipping, but there are plenty of things my grown ass doesn't share with my parents because it's just not worth the hassle. Who takes their dad to the Playboy Club anyway? Someone cruisin' for a bruisin', that's who.

Don and his fucking secretaries, so over it. I knew we'd have to deal with her after the Pond's inquisition and felt doomed to look upon her French extracted visage when Sally took a tumble last episode. Jane Siegel part deux. Barf.

Fecund ladies (mothers) in floral prints. So obvious. Yet Trudy was looking wan and greasy and not in a floral this episode. Stillborn! Calling it. Or maybe worse, she hemorrhages in childbirth and becomes Jeff Winger's full time jailbait freak. I just crossed streams, keep up.

Working women in geometric prints and stripes. We get it, they're not soft and yielding. I know this was part of the fashion of the time but Joan went 7 episodes not wearing a floral dress only scarves and wore several color block dresses over and over until she fucked Roger against that dirty stoop. Then shazaam p.g. and a whole wardrobe of floral dresses I'd never seen before. Also, three abortions Joan, really? Not to get all Judge Judy but y'know, I know it's not Greg's but you're what? 34 and a half? Old Balls, hey, keep Roger's second love child. He's a child, so why not have his?

But the most major thing, Maureen Cummings as someone's mom at that clinic. So major.

All the women in this show keep getting kicked in the box. I'm kind of over it. Erasure agrees.

catholic girls start much too late

I think Rei made one of these for Tavi but she won't always be 13 and this is an heirloom piece. Sorry kid, I would not want to outgrow a piece like this.

 

I know this is old balls but I am not a fucking future sailor. I love those Opening Ceremony wool plaid oxfords and think they are the best combo. I love Comme des Garçons off the runway. Even though it was really good on the runway, we don't all run around wearing veils to hide our age.

   

I feel like a macintosh snuggie situation has to happen in the PNDUBS this winter.  Two years too late, I know. I still want to do it. Why are you shitting on this?

lady-size

I've seen this movie a few times and never noticed this track in the film. One of my faves by one of my faves. The rest is of the soundtrack is the usual 90s dreck and or things you already know or own. 

Oh man, 90s minimalism, I missed you. Check the chunky white shoes and skinny apron front style late century Calvin. Late century. Could you just kill yourself thinking about things you've experienced in terms of which century they fall in? God, millennial babies don't get what a mind fuck this is for us olds. 

You get to love your Sassy magazine bequeathed from riotgrrl olds or bought on eBay the way we loved early 80s Cosmopolitans left in the art room for collage purposes in 8th grade. Because the internet did not exist yet. The Internet Did Not Exist Yet. Imagine a time when you had to wait for things to come in the mail, like for real, not just 5-7 business days. 6-8 weeks, that used to be a thing. We used to order shit from catalogs. Band shirts came from warehouses in Florida and New Jersey or worst of all Spencer's Gifts. And we liked it.

Designer lust was more impassioned and hypothetical like real teenage lust because you literally could not get your hands on things you saw in magazines; even if you called the number of the New York store in the back of Seventeen on the Where To Buy page. I know because I tried. Then there were the long distance charges and your parents to contend with about who was going to pay that phone bill with that 3 dollar call to some urban center you'd only get to visit once you paid for your own round trip ticket there. Being a teenager at any point in history sucks but technology and commerce are working to make it less so. So enjoy it TV babies. Shit just keeps getting more awesome.