Dispatches from a second story bedroom

blonde sedition

BE-lieve me I am trying to "deal with it". I am unsure of this direction you have chosen to take Mark. I don't really need you for anything other than being a dude who wears a dark quiff I like looking at. What good are you now? Were you tired of being handsome? Congratulations, mission accomplished. Also a word of advice, dying your hair a summer shade doesn't mean you then get to wear summer colors. YOU ARE STILL NOT A SUMMER. I see your true colors shining through and that's why I don't love you, now. You and Samaire Armstrong need to form a support group. 

If we're gonna get real Mark, and I mean real, I don't ever think about you. Except when I happen to run across photos of you with your girlfriend on the internet and am reminded you exist. You aren't something that I have come to conceptualize in any way beyond your appearances two years ago on Nevermind the Buzzcocks and that one Amy Winehouse cover of that Zutons song three years ago. 

I like those things but they aren't enough wind to sail a ship now are they?  Isn't one DJ enough for a family? If I'm going to continue being honest, I feel like the thing I like most about that Zutons song is Amy Winehouse and not your addition of a horn section. If you're going to try and pull focus in a particular direction maybe make it about the work and not about your hair? Who are you, Madonna? I so don't get this move. This is an act of desperate reinvention after a harsh break up, not publicity for an album drop. (Since when have producers been getting ink? No one cares about the time I saw Rick Rubin eating at Real Food Daily, i.e. producers aren't newsworthy!)

Being white blonde never ends well dude. At best you end up fucking a 60 year old Warren Beatty and at the other end either, nephritis, an Ed Norton beat down, or vehicular decapitation. Your choice.

  

vivrant thang

            

I never knew I'd be one to geek over Beyonce's little sister's style. 

Sandweech

I have a complicated love/hate thing with Julia Restoin-Roitfeld. The Selby home invasion piqued my interest a few months ago but this Fashionair video quashed any love I might have had. Ever. Girl, I like your spartan furnishings and lack of foofawraw, I am on board with this sentiment.  Your place is way more inviting than your mother's place--an unholy sterile obelisk filled apartment. (Are those things bureaus and wardrobes? I am creeped out by a lack of any sort of ephemera or knobs and handles.) But the whole aspect of Julia inviting some beta website into her home to look at her closet while she narrates. Gross. Her opinion of her style is sufficient enough to talk about a denim shirt like it was a revelation. Just who do you think you are? Also, false modesty about style tips from her mother and not knowing where certain things came from but knowing who designed her pilfered Puccis.  Really?

I want to forgive her because describing elements of one's style generally turns you into an asshole. But...she isn't doing herself any favors. She looks uncomfortable walking around in her micro-minis and YSL tributes. Am I wrong about this?  Maybe she's just one of those things that's better on the page as so many things are. I'm not mad, I'm just underwhelmed as per usual. Fidgeting with your clothes is not sexy.

Sexy

Rock n' Roll

Edgy

Can we have a moratorium on these descriptors for at least a year?

The turning point of the still world

Ok. So. I wanna keep this place a positive, supportive, artistically viable place on the internet but I feel like there is so much wasted potential here. First, I hate that gigantolor logo over a teeny tiny viewer. We get it Vogue, now fuck off. I am doubly not visiting style.com now, out of spite.

Two: I don't understand how you can write and direct a ballet that is scored and choreographed by three other people. I get that you can direct all those elements but darling, you didn't really write anything. Third, the choreography. Bourréeing for 4 minutes isn't exactly spellbinding. It's more noisy that people realize and something you have to get used to when you see a real ballet. Those bitches sound like horses on the stage. That's probably just a personal peeve and not something that a lay person would find annoying, except that it is fairly unimaginative.

Fourth and finally, I didn't really get the underwater part. What separates the ethereal from the underwater in your brain Liz? Are those two words analogous for you? Dropping dye into water, Rorschaching it and and superimposing it over a pretty ballerina is beneath your creativity and yet strangely somehow above your skill set. How did you fail upward?

 Liz, I honestly expected more from your wealth and dilettantism.  I'm not trying to be hateful, I'm just being your mom when she gives you that face that tells you she knows that you know you're not trying hard enough. Jesus Christ, Liz it's not like you have to work, you opted to create a film, so go balls to the wall beautiful with it. Sofia Coppola is resting happily on her familial laurels with two good films and a mediocre one to her credit. That could be you too Liz! Make it insane like your geode jewelry but don't fucking half step because you don't want the world to forget that you're an Artist.

All I wanted in 1991...

All I wanted in 1991 was a pair of boobs and a 95 dollar pair of Guess jeans that my friend Katie had and destroyed with the tip of her Bic pen.

That gingham dress is secretly next level, more to come in a future post. Promise.

You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter.

I'm always going to have to work a little harder than this because my parents aren't famous. Noted.

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I wasn't born so much as I fell out

A lot of ink has been spilled over Nick Cave's son Jethro in the last week or so. Hedi/Nicola did him and that makes him big news, but they also did the Simonon brothers too and they're getting virtually no press. Well I'm here to give these two underage hotties kudos. Kudos for at least being beautiful. Kudos for stealing your dad's amazing DNA and not having to settle for his NHS teeth. No one said much of anything about Bryan Ferry's kids in Burberry's S/S '07 campaign and they're about as attractive as Jethro. Are we giving carte blanche to children of artists who had an impact on our adolescence? All things being equal aren't we giving more credit to a lesser face for accomplishments it did not achieve? You're really going to tell me that Jethro is giving us more of anything than that snubby Cave nose?

Exhibit A: Louis Simonon has an amazing profile.

The brothers Simonon are beautiful babies.

Exhibit B:

What are we giving this kid extra credit for? He's a haircut and a name. If he was just some kid from non-famous parents Balenciaga wouldn't answer his calls. He. Is. Just. A. Haircut. Take away that and he's not much. I love Nick Cave(I really really do) but I'm not about to wax poetic about his bastard son just for showing up in the right places and using his name to get a foot in the door. At least Paul Simonon's kids are beautiful, with or without the name they still could have legitimately landed themselves Teenage Takeover. I'm all for jolie laide, I think it's what separates the men from the boys. So this isn't so much about personal style because they're both so young and essentially groomed by stylists. I can recognize that Jethro might be a cooler jailbait crush but I'm not sure that his style points outweigh the fact that he's ugly.

Yeah, I said it.

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