Dispatches from a second story bedroom

the Kobayashi

Kate Moss must be some kind of fashion savant because her mouth does not work right. No wonder she pulled a Garbo for so long. Ace move sweetheart. Way to play to your strengths.

I have been mentally obsessing over this 2003 spread. Am I jonesing hard for the early 2000s now that we're leaving this decade in the dust? Bay Garnett is my azimuth compass. And that compass is telling me it's ok to wear sweats with gigantic Wilma-sized pearls.

When I stay in bed all day eating bon bons and watching In Treatment, sweat pants begin to become a concept I toy with. Why not sweatpants?  Tell me. And I mean real shitty high waisted 50/50 cotton poly blend $9.99 at K-mart sweatpants, not luxury cashmere blend Rick Owens that need to be dry cleaned or handwashed. I am talkin' super-laze for the girl who does her own laundry. Ones that if you put in the time with become as soft as old flannel. You gotta do the work. It is a process!

I have been dealing with themes of Madonna levels of fame and how you stop giving a shit about looking hot all the time and start being real and wearing silk boxing shorts with freshly showered wet hair because they feel amazing. Take Julian Schnabel por ejemplo, oh the Toronto premiere of my new film? Sure I mean I'll wear a blazer over my silk pyjamas. Of course. 2011 is all about going wherever however you want.

Check it.

ages 7 up

How are you not dying over these Paige Gamble clutches? The chocolate lizard with the patinaed copper is my favorite. The prices are out to lunch but f-f-f-fantasy pieces usually come with fantastical prices. Where is my Barry Diller?

a week late and a dollar short

I remember not seeing Tron as a child, even when it came out on VHS and we had to rent a VCR with our videos because we lived in the dark ages. Even then I understood that most realities were not going to live up to my imagination of them. I'm too afraid to watch it now because there is no way it is not going to look hokey to my overstimulated post-Avatar-Ativan eye. I am filmically superstitious. The ideas of the thing in my head is more precious than whatever the reality is and why ruin a good thing?  

Now that they're making a new Tron, I remain superstitious as ever with a 90% surety I will not be seeing this one as well. I am enjoying the supremely overreaching Disney cross-promotion though. I never understand how these loss leaders actually work. A $600 Threeasfour bag is not going to change my general disdain for The Wizards of Waverly Place. But this Tron Legacy/Opening Ceremony collaboration is what would happen if Zara decided to do Jil Sander and Pierre Hardy instead of Chloé and Céline. I kind of love it.

   

See? Good right? There are not enough neoprene dresses in the world, I say.

lolzebub

I've got the blues still and they aren't the kind you can cheese me out of, I need stronger stuff. What works are pictures of cats in sweaters that I can invent back stories for. Here are the highlights:

Alex is a welder by day and really wants to dance at the conservatory. I mean really, all that natural light is pure fucking Adrian Lyne. Nice tits miss thang, if you keep it up you'll end up at The Zanzibar.

This is Judah and he's really into the power of his hair. This little guy is regalness personified. 

This is Rudy, he just bought a Lambretta and is currently fixing it up. He needs to run away because his home life is shit. His parents don't respect his lifestyle.

 

pendulum dumb

I've been feeling dem autumn blues again and vacillate between expecting the new school year vibe to wash over me and make me want to care about dressing and conversely wanting to give up. Then when I think about it I want to do both. And why can't I do both? Mostly because my ultimate desire is to be some curled up in bed watching Fassbinder movies until I fully (read: never) believe in my Teutonic hag potential. Mostly I've been watching the first season of Damages if you want the real God's honest truth and that's what's been keeping me from entertaining any notion of changing the program. 

I am very into the idea of making a printed pant and shirt combo a la Miu Miu S/S 2010 in this crazy Peter Woodward for Liberty of London fabric, but also a little like the A.P.C. ads and all those crazy Texas tuxedos that kept popping up for S/S 2011.

A.P.C. had a brilliant shot of one in the new Gentlewoman, which I'm too lazy to scan but it looks like this. Note the disgusting poly blend chambray that is probably too lightweight for a proper pant but is exactly what I love about it. It might also be my own BSC throwback love that I'm not ready to admit because I'm not some dummy living in Bushwick.

Peter Woodward's print looks like some weird manga pajama print. Normally I hate unicorns but when tempered with leaping celestial lions and dragon dogs they are made ok somehow. I think it'd work for an ensemble.

Remember how I said it's all about the cut of the cloth, the cloth itself can be anything, at least in my mind. Realistically this needs to be made into a dress, a Shelley Duvall type apron dress. Or curtains. Both? But those feel like a cop out to the original idea. This print is full on Tsumori Chisato weird but cost prohibitive in terms of going nuts without knowing exactly how much fabric you'll need so you'd need to know an exact amount before beginning. Damn you Liberty for being so expensive and far away and for selling fabric in meters. The Stonecutters and I have something to say about that.

p.s. is The Gentlewoman just getting better and better or what? 

20milliondollarcrapheap

Does anyone else feel like Boardwalk Empire is a really boring story about prohibition?

justify my love

It's really satisfying to be out in the cold and to have warm feet. I am always looking for shearling shoes that are not gross and bulky and embarrassingly Ugg-like. I have not found them yet. I can't understand why shoemakers don't totally bomb the UGG monopoly. I feel like this is my crazy secret shoe confession. Why aren't there more shearling booties? Am I the only one asking the universe for this?

 

Why are these so expensive? I feel like I need to sleep on this. Am I just not thinking straight? These are like little Spanish botíns. Warm little boots. That just sounds nice doesn't it?

I see what you're doing and I have to say I'm disappointed.

 

Open Letter to iTunes Store,

Listen iTunes, I don't want to be a cry-baby but when you pay 35 bucks for a specific program it should be at the verrrrrrrry least available to watch, in your current time zone, as it broadcasts. Scratch that, it should be available at or before EDT broadcast since we're paying for specific content. 

It is the only show I pay for. I don't even pay for HBO shows, you dicks. I could get half a cable package for the cost of this single show. I thought Apple had this sort of shit figured out. I tried to do the right thing by not illegally downloading because I love this show and foolishly thought it mattered. Wanton illegal downloading continues due to this obvious contempt for your customer.

It should not take over an hour to download, even if it is in HD, whatever that means to someone watching on a laptop. Make that a download option, I can re-watch in HD on Monday evening or later, whenever I'm not after NEW CONTENT. I shouldn't have to stay up until 4 am to watch Mad Men on Monday morning and pay to do so.I have taken to watching shitty streams on the internet whenever possible to reclaim the 5 hours of my life/sleep. I am not into having a sado-masochistic relationship with my mp3 software. I feel abused by you every week. Never again iTunes. I am going to illegally download next season because you've taken such delight in stepping all over my dick. Fuck your mother.

Also the 'Inside Mad Men' breakdowns should not load before the entire episode. I don't need the episode recap before the actual episode. Are your people in Cupertino on drugs? 

oh no, I need a body bag

Ugh internet, sometimes you run across people doing things that make you feel like a hack loser who should not even bother sucking up all the oxygen in you own apartment even though you pay rent on the air. Some people I admire, some people are aspirational, and some people just feel like me on Adderall, but y'know, forever. I feel like the Wooooo blog when I'm slightly drunk, which is to say, brilliant. You did not seriously post R.B Greaves' "Take a Letter Maria," like it was no big deal. Who are you? 

It's like this motherfucker is in my brain or we had some past life regression session and together we are one forever and ever. Amen. I can totally see myself going Hedwig over this situation. Maybe I just need a Balance bar? I am hungry. My brain is bummed by his balls outness that only serves to highlight my own repressed cray-cray. No more!  I am yours forever Jason Crombie. You complete me. 

Signed,

P.H.

push it

I find that Spring is the season where designers seem to abandon ship and cease telling their story. Spring always feels very much like an essay or vignette about something else, published in The New Yorker by that one author that you love but is nothing like the books from that same author. This may come down to my own dread regarding spring. There's just less clothing to work with, less fabric, less types of fabric, less structure in general.  But there's the rub, I don't always look at designers whose work I know will be like it always is. Anna Sui will do bohemian until she breathes in her last Nag Champa scented breath. I respect that but I am I interested in it? Comme ci comme ça.

I only looked through a few collections and wasn't really wowed by much.

This Proenza Schouler jacket was such ALT bait it made me super angry. I also could not wrap my brain around that puckered fabric they used for nearly all their suit skirts. Is it like those gross shirts they sell at Walgreens that stretch to fit every size? I am so heebed out.

Then they did this and I forgot about everything gross. But is that how things are now? We do chunky until we're totally sick of it and then we do classic? A total 180, fuck evolution? I lurrrve these pumps. Water monitor Margielaclones! That box stitch makes it so. They're pre-selling these with laser cut-outs on their site but I don't want the mesh ones, I want these classics. 

I thought Lim might help me out and make an awesome triptych of Asian home sewing projects from the 70s but he did not so you just get the Thakoon and Derek Lam ones, I can't even remember which is which right now. You know your mom has a pattern like this somewhere in the garage, you know you want to make a denim ensemble.  DO NOT DENY. Lim instead of being awesome chose to remake Proenza Schouler's Fall 2010 show with a bunch of tiny collars and raglan cut outs a la Kane Summer '10. So not spongeworthy. 

These were my two favorite looks from Suno. I am still on a horn of African tip, I've got it bad and that's not good.

I'm maybe not the hugest fan of asymmetrical puffed sleeve blouses but I am a fan of the color/pattern mixing at A Détacher. A++ would buy from again. They did some super louche pants too. I'm not on board with jumpsuits in reality but on a runway I think they look so Halston chic I forget this fact.

The things I loved at Vena Cava were not things I'd be likely to wear so I tried to remain earthbound and choose things I actually would wear. I'm really feeling overalls for some reason. I feel like they read my mind about turbans.

 

I liked the first all white half at Preen too. I felt like those looks were enough and they probably should have stopped there. I liked the second half of Rachel Comey and her moonicures too.

I am not Rodarted like the rest of the fashion world, so to see them make something wearable was an answered prayer. I feel like this season was an official timed trial. They now qualify for the LVMH Grand Prix next year. Enjoy Paris ladies, it is time to fuck with the eagles.